Laying Down the White Flag

So as I told you in my last post, it's been a really hard fight ever since I went THREE WEEKS. It was such a huge victory that wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be. It felt so normal... then I fell back into it and this feels so normal- pulling all the time. :(

After a gruesome battle, when one side decides they can't bear to lose any more men, someone searches for white fabric: a shirt or piece of a tent or anything they can find that will be seen by the enemy. It just isn't worth the fight at this point... The man raises it up high after attaching it to the end of anything long he could find: a sword, gun, long rod, anything! From across the expanse of dead bodies scattered over the field, even flopped onto each other, the enemy sees the white fabric waving across the bleak gray sky. "Yes, we have won!" 

Defeated, the remaining men wander through their comrades' dead bodies over to settle with the enemy- the very men they swore to defeat and protect themselves and their loved ones from. They have lost all hope and see no way out of this dire predicament. As much as they fought, it seems all their efforts were in vain. Despite all the encouragement and any help sent to the battlefield, it seems pointless against such a powerful enemy.

Then one of the men suddenly stops and looks at the others. The rest of the them look back to see what happened and see a changed man. His face has transformed from defeat and despair to hope and determination. Puzzled they watch as he picks up a weapon and stares into the enemies' land with a stern look.  

The enemy is approaching with pleased expressions and a relaxed stride. That is, until they notice all the men facing this one man... they follow their gaze and find a revived foe before them. As he advances toward the enemy, the others are catching his infectious determination and hope. The flag bearer, who already lowered the makeshift white flag to the ground to rest his arms while watching all of this unfold, purposefully raises it up, with a great whirl turns it horizontal, and finally kneels down as he lowers it to the ground emphatically.

After such a show, the enemies' jaws drop and their expressions sour while the other men strengthen their resolve, follow the brave man's lead, pick up weapons, and advance towards the enemy. At this point, they recall the mission- why they began this fight at all. They were sick of being slaves; they were done with having these men rule over them; they ARE through with allowing themselves and their loved ones to be abused and destroyed. Down with the enemy at all costs! It is worth it!

Well, that gives you a metaphorical idea of what happened to me today. I have thrown down the white flag and resumed the fight! I'm not saying that Trich is conquered or anything. Seriously, I'm a battered soldier, but I have remembered my call and am determined to fight this enemy with all I've got.

3 months in review

I know it's been quite a while again...
Well, I'll quickly fill you in.

First, in my last post I shared with you about a major victory. It ended up that I lasted a FULL THREE WEEKS without pulling!!! Although I was counting just a couple hairs that I pulled in my timer, I did keep track of when I had pulled so if I went a long time without ANY hairs I could rejoice in that incredible victory. This was indeed an amazing victory!!!
The hardest part for me to fathom was how it actually seemed incredibly normal NOT to pull during that time. I kept my guard up but was amazed how I wasn't longing for it. That's part of why it was hard when I did fall.

It happened accidentally. There wasn't a huge pile beside me; I wasn't coaching myself saying "No! No! Don't do it. You've lasted so long. Just a little bit longer. No!"; I simply pulled out a hair. I was stunned.
After that it was SO hard to get back on top. I fell right back into pulling.It's been a roller coaster with no great victories. Of course small ones here and there and small failures here and there as well.

Since I last posted, I have bought clip-in hair extensions. Basically, I have sections of fake hair that I can clip into my real hair. When I do my hair up in certain ways, you can't tell that it's not mine and it's great to be able to DO things with my hair again!

This past weekend, I realized that most of my hair is getting much longer. There is one portion that I'm struggling with in particular which is the shorter section. Anyway, I noticed that as the hair is getting longer, it's getting softer and easier to manipulate. Basically, it's returning to the way it was before! My hair was great to work with and it's coming back! I haven't ruined my hair forever!!!! YAY!

Now I am really trying to not pull in that area (the top back) so it can grow out and my hair can be unified and look wonderful! Behind each of my ears is thinner and shorter as well, but it's less obvious unless I wear my hair down, which I haven't been doing. Thank you for your support and prayers!