more about addictions

Well, I am doing better than last time I wrote to you. BUT not as well as the time before that...
Yesterday, I made it 13 waking hours without pulling, which was a good accomplishment. Unfortunately, since this is an addiction, "just one" is not possible. I have, in the past couple days, been able to resist pulling even when my hand is holding a single hair and ready to pull it out. That is REALLY difficult- to just let go and put my hand down. It's easier to just let it "accidentally" become detached from my head.
Back to the "just one" idea, I'm sure you've heard about drug addicts and alcoholics who crave just one. That they think that if they have just one, they can easily go back to cold turkey again. Just having one drink or puffing one time will help them be able to stand going without longer. You also may know that that does NOT work. Well, when I pull one hair, it's the same thing. I fall back into the addiction again. My body is reminded of the addiction and craves it even more than before I pulled. I also think, "How could just one more hair affect anything?" But that thought process adds up and results eventually in a bald spot and lots of tears.
That's where I am right now. Stuck in between freedom and bondage... it's a draw right now, with short victories for both sides. I need prayer, regular reminders of support, constant encouragement and accountability. This is really tough. It really, really is. The only consolation I have right now is the fact that I have at least recognized that this is actually an addiction, not just a habit.