Thanks to Trich

Wow! I've been posting a lot lately! Well, I guess we are getting real good records of this part of my life after having none for so long... Anyway, that is not what this particular post is about.

I really try to find some way that I can be thankful about everything in my life. Of course, I have struggled a lot with that in relation to Trichotillomania. How can I be thankful for it? Does that mean I'm ok with it? Have I simply accepted it and given up on recovery? How can this work? Besides, for what could I honestly be thankful about Trich? I can decided to deal with being grateful for the community and ministry I can have in relating to others and helping them through their struggles, but it wasn't enough. This feeling in my stomach was still there saying that that was just a dismissal, that I still was not finding something to be thankful for.

NOW I have it! ...and I can say it loudly and unhesitatingly and unashamedly!
I am thankful for having Trichotillomania and all the struggles that accompany it, because it provides a depth to my character and my being, that prevents me from simply being a shallow, silly person who becomes annoying in a short span of time.

Whew! There it is... It's a recent discovery and I know some of you might argue with the sentence, saying it isn't the only thing keeping me from being annoying or whatever, but you get the idea. I carefully worded that sentence, but it definitely still has flaws, however I hope you get the point. Unlike previously, I now have a true appreciation for the existence of Trich in my life and will help me not mentally beat myself up over having this issue.
Ok, now you can go back to your life and struggle with finding reasons to be thankful for your problems! :)

What to do, what to do

I have been trying to figure out what to do with my hair...

Do I cut it and even it all up again? Do I let it continue to grow? How will either decision affect my pulling? I've been doing well and would hate to make things worse, but I do not want to leave it and be tempted to pull because of the unevenness... Eventually, I would like to grow my hair out more and how will I ever do that if I'm always cutting it? Will I ever have longer hair again? Can I? Is it possible now that I have Trich?

Unfortunately, worrying about and considering all these questions has led me to pull more than I have been in quite a while. To be fair, I think being sick and being frustrated about being sick is also affecting Trich right now.

UGH! But this is proving the point! I don't want to keep cutting my hair shorter and shorter. I like having hair! I miss all the things I could do with it when it was long... At this point though, I'm more concerned that my hair will get increasingly shorter with each haircut because of how much the stylist has to cut off to even up the ends.

Thankfully, my roommate pointed out that when I leave it curly the unevenness is much less noticeable. This also requires less maintenance! Anyway, I just really am torn about what to do! Do I get a small trim to help even it out, but not too much so it's not super short? Do I leave it and let the curliness hide it and hope that I don't pull? What do you all think? Please let me know!!!

Understanding myself

Last night I was given yet another opportunity to reveal that I have Trich... and to attempt to explain to this person I care about what it is and why it happens. Good news! I was able to talk about it in a much more coherent way thanks to having this blog! This was an exciting realization. I was stressing as much over words or just saying "I have no idea, but I hate it!" I didn't have to deal with the dreaded remarks: "Just stop!" "It's your own fault" or "Why can't you stop?"

Thank you all for reading my blog and giving me someone to share my thoughts with. I could not have gotten as far as I have without your support and encouragement along the way!

I know this is a short post, but I don't have much to update you on. Simply, I wanted you all to know that blogging is helping. If my friend who gave me the idea to blog is still reading, THANK YOU! :) You were right.

Long Time...

I know, I know... It's been forever since I've posted anything! I don't remember why I stopped posting last spring, but I had intentions to post over the summer while I was being a camp counselor. Before I left for the camp, I really feared how I would handle the new situation and *no one* knowing about my condition.

Would it make it worse? Could this make it easier? What will they think of me when/if they notice? How can I be an example to these girls if they find out about it?

When I arrived, things were not what I expected at all... I was busy (not that I thought I'd be bored or anything) which meant that my hands were busy doing other things, not pulling. I also had some great accountability from the very girls I was leading. I love them so much! The Lord really used them to minister to me and I still pray that I was able to touch their lives even the tiniest percentage of how much they touched and impacted mine!

Anyway, now I am in a new phase of life again:

• A great friend who was so very helpful with Trich is no longer a part of my life.
• Another will be far, far away soon...
  
• I'm no longer taking classes, but teaching classes!
• My schedule has vastly changed, giving me less time simply sitting but also making it harder to be with friends and get that accountability.
• Things are hard at church...
• I lost my grandfather last spring (maybe that's why I stopped posting actually).
• Things have been hard for my family ever since.
• I had some difficulties and misunderstandings with one of my close friends.
  

Due to these things, I have had plenty of really bad times and some that are much better.

Currently, I am doing ok. Not my best, but the Lord is helping me through. Teaching is helping, because I'm always concerned about my image to the students and my mentor who is guiding me as I learn to teach. It's also helping because we're super busy and usually playing an instrument.

Thank you all so much for your prayers! Hopefully I will post more regularly now so that God can use my struggles to minister to you. That's all for now about the life of a Modern Day Tricha...