I'm so sorry! :(

Good evening, everyone,

Those of you who know this Tricha (me) well know that she gets in moods where she believes she is a great burden to everyone in the world. Sometimes it even leads to her to feeling disappointed in her friends for having the poor taste to choose to stick around and love her. Many of you have gotten really mad at her for being so ridiculous and stupidly offensive in this state, others decided to give her space and time to come back to normal, and the brave few have tried to reason with her and force her back from this awful state.

Right now I am missing those few immensely! I need a good slap in the face. (If you know this Tricha, you also know that she regularly feels that she needs a slap in the face, so this doesn't really say much.) The above paragraph describes my feelings right now, even though I am desperate for human interaction... so not exactly. I do know that this is just a mood, just a temporary state of mind which I will recover from, but I can't see the end of the tunnel. It just gets darker and darker...

I want to shave off all my hair and am scared that I'm going to do something like this in my sleep or something. It's really bad right now. I haven't been this crazy in a long time, and I'm frightened! Now of course, I have no roommate to walk in and interupt me (or even the fear of her walking in and catching me in the act). Yes, my family is here, but they respect my privacy, my space, and my time to get work done, which is fabulous. Don't get me wrong; I need it sometimes so I actually get something done. My problem is that that is when I rip it all out or am tempted to do stupid things!

In college, I would have called or texted a bunch of friends while feeling like this to see if we could hang out or run to the spot to grab a midnight snack or just study together. That unfortunately is not an option at this stage in my life. College dorm life was perfectly suited for me! I mean it. I constantly had people available to keep me accountable and sane (all hours of day and night!) but also had the ability and opportunity to get work done. I could have a pretty flexible schedule to work around whatever hours I wanted to sleep (or not). (The latter is not necessary of course but nice!)

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant. You're probably pretty worried about me at this point, but please remember that sometimes just writing it out makes things better (not always).  If you have any ideas for me, please share! The saddest part about this rant is that this feeling has been building up for a while; it did not suddenly overtake me today. I do not think it is finished yet either. PRAY and help if you can. Thanks.

-Modern Day Tricha