Even Now!

On Sunday morning, I went to church, as per my usual routine. Of course it is not just about routine; I want to be closer to my Savior, fellowship with other believers, and be taught from His Word. It was a good morning and I was really happy, free from stress, just at peace in life. In the sermon, the pastor talked about different ways we do not allow Christ to give us life and be our Life. He is the Resurrection AND the Life! One of these ways was "In the Delay". This referred to when we are waiting on God to act, step in, intervene, fix a situation that it out of our control or power. The verse where Jesus says, "I am the Resurrection and the Life. Whoever believes in Me, though he die, yet shall he live.." (John 11:25) comes from the story of Lazarus, who was very sick and then died but ultimately after this conversation Jesus came and rose him from the dead. Martha, one of the sisters of Lazarus, met Jesus while He was approaching the house after her brother's death. She was upset that He had not come earlier to heal her brother, but then spoke these words (John 11:22, bold added), "But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You."

The pastor really dug into those words.

Even now God can act in your situation... Even now He can work in your marriage... Even now He can move in your child's life... Even now He can give you a job... Even now He can ease your pain... EVEN NOW He can break your addiction! 

As far as I was concerned, he stopped there to let it sink in.
How powerful are those words to someone who doubts whether God will work! 
How powerful are those words to someone who's struggled for five years! 
How powerful when one has given up hope, because Trich will always be there! 

I felt the tears forming right then and there. God challenged me: You think that I can't work in you, just because it's been five years? Does My power have a time limit? Does My love run dry? Do My promises expire? Who do you think I am? How big am I? What would stop Me from helping My child now? Why would I care less now than five years ago, or three years ago, or last year? What has changed? I certainly have not, and will not. Let Me move. Let Me help. Trust Me... Even now!

Later that day, I was thinking more about Trich and the message God sent to me through His messenger (my pastor). Suddenly, I realized that I had not pulled any hair since Saturday morning or even Friday night! I knew it was possible that I might have pulled Saturday morning, but could not actually remember it happening like I could from Friday night. I had lasted over a full day without thinking about Trich at all, without struggling through the desire, the urge! The Lord did that for me to show me that I can trust Him and depend on Him to free me... even now!!!

Tonight as I shared yet again about my struggling with this odd addiction- the ins and outs of why and when it happens, what goes through my head, what I actually feel, the strategies I've tried, etc- the Lord spoke to me again. When discussing Trich, I am very careful about where my hands are and to keep them occupied. The conversation turned to other topics after that and I was not as aware of what I was doing. Sometimes I caught myself pulling and reached for something to mess with or put a hat on my head. When ending the conversation, God spoke through the other person, leading him to mention Trich one more time and say some very meaningful words to me... right as I was pulling! He said, "I will always be praying for you about Trich. Do not stop fighting! Even if you only fight for a few minutes, that is better than not fighting at all!"

He said more than this, but these were the words God spoke to my heart as the hair slipped from my fingers to the floor. I could not pull another.

I must fight, at least "for a few minutes". I can handle that. Just a few minutes. It's "better than not fighting at all"! God, help me!

In His strength, I resisted the great urge. Some people would analyze this away and say that it's simply human effort through divide and conquer, just focus on simple bits that you can handle and soon you've tackled a lot. While this may seem feasible, I know it was God speaking through His messengers to me at the very moment I needed it, and with the very words I needed, to convict me or empower me just as I needed.
Praise be to God!

Thank You, Lord, for caring about me enough to work like this!
Thank You for loving this prideful, treasonous, insignificant speck despite Myself and all my doubts!
Thank You for providing these messengers (and others) in my life to
encourage, correct, comfort, advise, and even just listen!
I do know that You can free me from this addiction
with little baby-steps, a few minutes at a time,
EVEN NOW!