Obsession

I remember how this whole thing started.....

During my senior year of high school, I had my hair layered. I also had been obsessed with my hair for years before that, making sure that was perfect, not just nice. With the layering, my hair had many different lengths, but this bothered me. When I messed with my hair, I'd find one hair left in my fingers and rip it off to the length of a nearby hair (not pull it out, just shorten it). Over time, this became more and more frequent and more of an issue. Certain sections of my hair began to get significantly shorter. By the end of my senior year, all the hair by my neck was only a few inches long versus the extremely long hair (down my entire back) that covered it. Once I graduated, I got my hair cut to make it all even and donated the 15 inches to Locks of Love. Since I had seen what happens when I rip off the hair, I pulled out a hair when it wasn't perfect: too long or a fly away in a hairdo. At first, this was very rare, but it grew more frequent. I'd find one of these hairs that I felt did not "fit" which was a small level of stress. To fix it I pulled it out; this provided me with a release and I taught myself that pulling out hair makes me feel "good" and reduces stress. This is how my Trich began.

The obsession still continues...

Today I still pull out hairs that "don't fit", but now that I've had Trich for so many years, it has affected the thickness of my hair. I am thankful that God gave me an incredibly thick head of hair because it has thinned a lot and provided me with some protection rather than balding easily. I have not pulled evenly, so the thickness, or rather thinness, is not even. Now I've started trying to even it out by where I pull. UGH! I need to just stop pulling, not make it all the same thinness. I need to let the hair grow back in to let it get even. That is a much better plan! Why can't I seem to stick to it?

Anyway, I'm trying to learn that the pursuit of perfect hair is pointless and endless and therefore futile. Perfection is only attainable when I have truly become like Christ, which will not happen on this earth. This goes for every aspect of my life, not just character. I will have a glorified body and finally have "perfect" hair! Lord, help me to keep my focus on You, not on attaining perfection in my appearance. How self-centered can I be? I must focus on You not me. Help me make You my obsession!