Why do I act like I can hide my pulling from my husband and make it better? The hair is still gone and the results are still there... besides I know that he knows I'm pulling and he's just being gracious by not pestering me to stop. Sometimes I blame my mother because she pulled out her hair periodically. Both of these are unhealthy!
*sigh* I wish I could really take responsibility for my actions (namely pulling as well as wasting time which leads to pulling) instead of blaming others even if it's only subconsciously! :-/
Of course blame shifting has been an issue ever since sin came into existence... Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and even blamed God for giving him Eve. Eve blamed the serpent for tricking her. When misleading Eve, the serpent had blamed God for keeping something good from Adam and Eve. It is the same with us. We don't want to take the fall so we find a way that these things could have possibly been caused by something or someone else! BUT this is ridiculous! We make these decisions; we can be influenced by our circumstances or others but it's still our decision what we do at that moment. WE must learn to live with the consequences for whatever we chose.
Sometimes though I think the consequences of admitting our own part can be too much for us to handle. For example, with my Trich, if I truly come to grips with the fact that I choose to pull (yes, sometimes it is unconscious, but it started because I taught myself this behavior) and it's not someone else's fault for not stopping me or someone else's fault for introducing the behavior to me or the culture's fault for putting such pressure to look perfect all the time..... then I must recognize that the only way to reverse this situation is to CHOOSE NOT TO PULL!
No, it's not that easy. I should know. If you've read much of this blog at all or spoken to me on this topic, you know. But, as I tell students all the time, "anything worth having takes hard work." I've also heard that "nothing changes if nothing changes." We must make this choice over and over and over and over again and again and again and again more and more and more and more ...... until it finally sticks!
>Do I know what this looks like or specifically how it's done? Nope. >Have I stopped pulling and mastered Trich even in the slightest? No way. >Have I found a renewed drive to fight this monster I've created and to choose to change? Yes indeed! ...and I hope you'll join me with whatever it is that you face.
Of course blame shifting has been an issue ever since sin came into existence... Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and even blamed God for giving him Eve. Eve blamed the serpent for tricking her. When misleading Eve, the serpent had blamed God for keeping something good from Adam and Eve. It is the same with us. We don't want to take the fall so we find a way that these things could have possibly been caused by something or someone else! BUT this is ridiculous! We make these decisions; we can be influenced by our circumstances or others but it's still our decision what we do at that moment. WE must learn to live with the consequences for whatever we chose.
Sometimes though I think the consequences of admitting our own part can be too much for us to handle. For example, with my Trich, if I truly come to grips with the fact that I choose to pull (yes, sometimes it is unconscious, but it started because I taught myself this behavior) and it's not someone else's fault for not stopping me or someone else's fault for introducing the behavior to me or the culture's fault for putting such pressure to look perfect all the time..... then I must recognize that the only way to reverse this situation is to CHOOSE NOT TO PULL!
No, it's not that easy. I should know. If you've read much of this blog at all or spoken to me on this topic, you know. But, as I tell students all the time, "anything worth having takes hard work." I've also heard that "nothing changes if nothing changes." We must make this choice over and over and over and over again and again and again and again more and more and more and more ...... until it finally sticks!
>Do I know what this looks like or specifically how it's done? Nope. >Have I stopped pulling and mastered Trich even in the slightest? No way. >Have I found a renewed drive to fight this monster I've created and to choose to change? Yes indeed! ...and I hope you'll join me with whatever it is that you face.
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