Last November I wrote about how I was six months pregnant and that was causing me to be really down for various reasons. If you are at all decent with the idea of time and math and realize that pregnancies last around nine months, then you know that my baby must have come by now... and you'd be right! hahahaha She did come earlier this year and is such a blessing and a lot of work. I stay at home with her so I guess my job now is being a mom (in addition to supposedly taking care of the house- not that you can tell if you look around :P ).
We are to the point now that she can play by herself but generally prefers Mommy to be nearby or even actively playing with her, nurses regularly (which requires Mommy of course), eats solid foods three times a day (which requires Mommy- or Daddy in the evening), and naps a few times each day. The last part is my chance to either take care of things or relax; more specifically: clean, do laundry, practice, cook, make phone calls, shower, go to the bathroom, sleep, or browse facebook and youtube. As much as I love this life, it can be stressful to be on call all the time for a mostly helpless little one who is just mobile enough to be dangerous and "loves me enough" to not want me out of her sight even to get her food out of the fridge or relieve myself. Please do not read this wrong: I really love my little one and do not wish to send her to daycare. I am just laying out the challenges of this life. As you might expect, this can lead me to pull- just to have something that I can control... but then there's hair everywhere that I'm cleaning up off the baby, her toys, and the floor around her, which frustrates me and.... you guessed it, I pull some more (not that that makes any sense).
Shortly after my baby was born, I tried to stop pulling by thinking about how I didn't want her to learn my behavior, so I couldn't do it any time she could see me. Obviously, this was overwhelming and unrealistic, simply put too much pressure and I was forced to give up on that. I did not want to give up on fighting and hopefully not passing on Trich (I'm not implying that it's hereditary, just easily learned).
At the beginning of the summer, I found out about a device that helps people break habits and addictions by shocking them. The wearer presses the button on the app or device to shock themselves at the desired level anytime they do their undesired action. After reading up on it and hearing about some other Trichas who successfully stopped pulling, I was super excited to get one for myself! This was going to change everything! This was my chance; that miracle device that could give me a chance to be free! God provided at just the right time when I need to stop for my child!
I ordered the device and wasn't expecting it for about a month due to demand but started taking measures to fight it more aggressively immediately. To my surprise, it arrived in about a week! Right away I put it on and started using it. Within the first few hours, it stopped working. Assuming it needed charged (since I skipped that step), I plugged it in and came back later to wear it more but it still wasn't working. At this point, I was so upset that I had "broken" the miracle device, "my one chance" that all of the hard work I did leading up to receiving the device was undone. I pulled a good bit. Once the replacement came, I had lost some of my wonder and enthusiasm, but did diligently use the device. After that I had some issues off and on with the device not working and the expected time to break my addiction came and went with only some improvement....
Long story short: it didn't work for me. Why exactly I'm not sure, but I can name various things that may have been the culprit: my initial loss of hope when the first device was "broken", the week or so with a working device after my initial enthusiasm, the issues caused me to not be able to use the device constantly, with the device not working all the time I didn't try as hard when I wasn't wearing it, with not using the device so much I didn't always remember to use it when I was wearing it, as the longest advertised success time frame passed I quickly lost all hope...
Since that experience, I've been fighting off and on. Most recently I've developed a large thing spot on the left side just above and behind the ear as well as at the crown of my head. Now I have to get back to fighting or I may have to take drastic measures to not let others see these holes in my hair.
So... you wanted to know how it's been going since I posted in December? There it is.
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