Guess what? Last night was an amazing night! Two wonderful friends of mine talked to me about my trich.
One stopped me after Bible study and asked me how I was doing. I talked to her for quite a while and started thinking about all kinds of new things that had never occurred to me. She was so amazingly helpful!
Then I talked to another friend of mine who was mostly comforting me about it. At the time that was something I really needed. I am so thankful to have friends like them!!!! I don't know what I would do without them!
Well, the most amazing part was while I was talking to them I did not pull at all. The urge came- don't misunderstand that! But I did not give in to it. A few times I had to scratch my head because the urge was really bothering me, but I lasted 5 hours!
(All realizations and new ideas here come from the conversations with my fabulous friends)
I realized that I need to deal with this in small chunks of time. Because this is an addiction, I need to think about it like an addiction. I need to deal with it like an addiction. So now I am taking this one hour at a time. Each meal the count resets. As the count gets really high, I feel a lot of pressure to continue and that I am a big failure if I can't continue. It's like: "I made it 36 hours. What's wrong with you? If you can make it 36, why can't you last 37 hours?!" The bigger the numbers get the more demanding I become on myself. So last night, before bed I lasted 5 hours! Now the clock is reset til I eat lunch and guess what! It's been an hour! :D
"For years we've considered the addict weak willed, as though he belongs to some lower class... We believe we cannot become addicted if we are spiritual enough, powerful enough, strong enough, or smart enough. With enough willpower, we will be safe." -Breaking Everyday Addictions (Dr. David Hawkins)
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